


I heard someone crying (maybe it was me)

by Indehed



Series: Lullaby Bay [3]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, M/M, Post Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 10:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6750196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indehed/pseuds/Indehed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Steve away on his two weeks of Reserve training it's left Danny at home alone to take care of the kids. That was fine for the first week, but now Grace is with Rachel and five-0 have a tough case and no spare moments to help. It's really not the best time for Danny to realize he has a growing fever...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I heard someone crying (maybe it was me)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic took a long time to come into being, purely because I knew I wanted Danny's last secret to come out when he was emotionally drained and I had to get him there somehow without going too OOC. I finally came up with, what I hope, is the best way to do that without a huge amount of angst (aka my usual)!
> 
> In this story, Hope is 4 months old and Leo is just over 2 years old.

Exhausted. That was the word Danny was looking for. If his brain functioned long enough to supply any thought other than 'baby need me' in some kind of caveman-ish, primordial response.

The first week that Steve had been away on Reserve training had been fine. Sure, Danny'd been tired out without being able to hand over to Steve when he needed the help (outside of feeding) but Grace could keep track of one child while the other was being taken care of. Not to mention having the Five-0 ohana stop by to give him help or just a chance to talk to someone over the age of 3.

But this week? This week started badly and went downhill quickly. Rachel had taken Grace to Las Vegas for the remainder of the summer vacation, Five-0 had landed themselves a massive case and barely had time to text Danny let alone come around and Steve had been out of contact for the last two days because of some issues with the satellites and being so far out at sea or something. Danny hadn't really registered anything other than he wasn't able to talk to him and that was that. 

Hope had become colic-y and Danny had thought they were over that now that she was approaching the four month mark. He suspected that maybe she was teething… but then it seemed early for that, too. All he knew was, she was crying a lot and he had no idea why because she was feeding well, she didn't have a temperature, her diapers were okay when he checked and even when he held her she'd still continue crying no matter what he tried. Maybe she just missed her father.

But because of Hope's distress, it seemed to set off Leo at times, especially in the night since he wasn't able to sleep in regular patterns, which meant that during the day he was a handful to deal with and getting into moods… and running a slight temperature, though it only seemed to affect him when he wanted the sympathy. It didn't help that he definitely missed his father and didn't understand why Steve wasn't there, and it made him sullen and clingy with Danny. 

Then the day before, the worst had happened and Danny had felt his own sweaty forehead and realized he had a fever, too. Worse than Leo's. His stomach felt like he'd swallowed a fish - sideways... and it had bred and now there were a hundred little fish swimming around in his guts. He felt nauseous, headache-y, worn down and had no appetite. He hadn't even noticed too much at first because he'd thought it was simply the tiredness of caring for a 2 year old and a four month old on his own, feeling trapped inside the house and too stubborn to reach out for extra help. But this morning things were getting worse and the day had barely started.

His head was pounding and Hope's cries pierced the air around him.

He tried walking while holding Hope, bouncing her in his arms, changing her to the other side when one grew too tired with her weight on it. He'd talked to her, even tried singing to her and he felt guilty because she could probably read his own frustrations but it was 5am, he hadn't slept at all in about two days, god knows what he'd eaten to make himself sick but it must have been something he'd eaten to feel this rotten and he collapsed onto the couch with her, unable to stand as his legs got shaky. 

He held her tightly to his chest, almost pleading with her to settle, to take calm breaths, to burp up air if that's all she needed to do just anything to stop crying. 

Then he heard it. Faint at first behind the noise in his ear of Hope's wails but there was a plaintive calling of his name. Leo was awake, groggy and desperate for his Danno. He sat for a moment, listening to the calls a few more times until he had no choice but to force himself to his feet and shuffle into the kids' room. 

Leo had streaks of wetness down his face, his eyes puffy and red and he was clutching at the end of his blanket. "Danno!" he called out again. "Danno!"

Danny did his best to support Hope in one arm, her head over his shoulder as he reached into the cot with his other arm, Leo wrapping his hands around Danny's neck and grabbing on so that he could be lifted out and close to his dad. He always was clingy when he woke up in the mornings.

Danny turned and let himself fall into the armchair in the room. "Leo, buddy, you need to let Danno deal with Hope, okay?"

"No, want Danno," Leo insisted, burrowing into Danny's side, a hand out to push at Hope to make room. 

"No, no no no, you don't push your sister, she's upset and she's littler than you and needs me, too," he pointed out to his son only it made him scream in return. "Hey!" Danny told him off. "No tantrums!"

He leaned his head back and groaned, his hand rubbing at his stomach. 

"Oh, this is not good. Stay here, Leo, okay? Danno will be back in a minute," he forced himself to his feet and hurried into the toilet. In his rush he still took care of Hope's head, making sure to cradle it with a hand to protect her as he went to his knees and just in time as he began puking his guts up. It was unpleasant in the extreme; his eyes were watering and he was so far beyond wrung out by the time his body stopped heaving. He wiped at his mouth and sat back against the wall, shoving himself into the corner. He still felt like crap and had a feeling he might need to use the toilet bowl again and through it all he was still clinging to Hope, who was upset but quieter now, wearing herself out more than anything.

He let his head fall back against the cool tile, twisting to let it touch his forehead more and he knew he was going to have to move eventually and go make a call to someone, anyone, because he'd waited too long, too stubborn, lying to himself that he was fine and could do this and would survive until Steve got back but it wasn't true and he couldn't. 

He sniffed, his watering eyes beginning to tear up again but he was doing everything not to cry despite how little control he seemed to have of any bodily function right now. 

There was a shuffling by the door and Leo appeared, eyes wide, a little scared by what he was seeing. 

He sniffed loudly, to center himself. "Come on, buddy," he said and Leo didn't hesitate, he bounded over, crashing into Danny's side. 

"Danno sick," he said, hand stroking over Danny's stomach. 

"Yeah, Danno's sick. I just need a minute and I'll be better."

Leo bent over and pressed a smacking kiss to Danny's sweaty t-shirt clad torso. "Kiss better!" he proclaimed and then did it again, smiling up at Danny like everything was okay with the world and Danny hugged him close. 

"That's right," he kissed Leo's head. "All I need is my babies and everything will be just fine. Just fine," he closed his eyes and then felt something rising up in him again and he sat up, head dangling into the toilet bowl as he dry heaved, spitting up anything that actually vomited up. He distantly heard Leo running out of the room and wanted to call out to him to stay put, to be careful, to not do anything stupid but he couldn't really control his throat at that moment and breathing was his main aim. 

Out of nowhere there were hands on him and he had to clutch Hope closer to himself to protect her from the strength of the person touching him. "My baby," he said mutely.

"Whoa, Danno, I got her," the voice said as the strong hands prized Danny's hold apart and took Hope from him. There were little hands pressing onto his thighs and he looked through blurry vision to see Leo's wide eyes looking up at him, expectantly. 

"Daddy home!" Leo patted against him. "Daddy here, daddy help. Daddy help Danno, kiss kiss," he said and kissed Danny's tummy again.

Minutes later, with Danny resting his head against the toilet seat and lightly holding onto Leo, there were arms wrapping around him and something cool and soft against his forehead. "Hey, baby, it's okay I got you. Leo, do daddy a favor and go get your favorite octopus for Danno to cuddle."

"'Kay!" Leo said happily and ran off. 

"Hope? Where's…. she was crying…."

"She's fine, she's in her cot. What the hell, Danny? What's going on? I come home to find you almost passed out on the bathroom floor and no one else around!"

"That's an exaggeration. I was fine... or I was going to be in a few minutes," he tried, though it barely convinced himself. 

"You were not fine, you were being a stubborn ass. Something could have happened to the kids!" He helped Danny to stand and a glass of water appeared in front of him. He gargled and spat into the sink a few times then attempted to swallow some of the cool liquid. After that, Steve helped him back into the bedroom and eased him onto the bed.

"What are you doing here? Not due back yet…"

"I missed everyone too much, asked for a favor. I'm glad I did. You could have been lying dead behind the door had I been home any later."

"You're mad at me," Danny frowned up at Steve. 

"Yes, I'm mad. Very mad. You know better than to endanger our children's lives and your own like this." He went about tucking Danny into bed and then an already worn and frayed octopus made its way into his arms and he cuddled it, smelling it. "Rest. We'll have words once you're feeling better. I'll take care of breakfast."

"Hmmm," Danny said, feeling like he could relax for the first time in days, a pressure off him now that Steve had returned.

*

He woke to rather uncoordinated hands in his hair and eyes staring at him vacantly. "Hey, buddy," he said through a rasping throat.

"Danno wake?" Leo whispered loudly to him.

"Danno's awake, yes," Danny nodded and stretched a little. He rubbed at his stomach. Throwing up must have helped but he still felt queasy. Still felt run down, lacking in any energy and his headache hadn't abated, but he still threw back the covers to sit up while Leo rolled about on top of the sheets.

Steve had left him a glass of water and some Advil, which he swallowed appreciatively. 

"Come on, buddy, let's go see daddy," he took Leo's hand and helped him jump down and they made their way into the living room together. 

The TV was down low, Hope was in Steve's arms and drinking from her bottle.

"It's quieter in here now," Danny said as he walked around the sofa, dropped himself down on it then leaned forward enough to pick up Leo to let him sit on his lap.

"How're you feeling?" Steve asked, turning his head to him. 

"Better."

"Liar."

"No, I'm definitely better than I was when I was sitting on the bathroom floor. What time is it?"

"About 12.30."

"Wow. That's… that's a long sleep. Six hours. Haven't had that much continuous in…. forever," he wiped at his face, pulling at his eyes and then letting go. "Haven't had that much in total for a while either."

"Danny," Steve groaned. "If you needed help you should have called someone."

"I was going to."

Steve raised his eyebrow.

"I was. I just didn't want to call them so early in the morning. Despite how they'd say it was no problem, I wouldn't want to inconvenience them."

"You just made my point for me. They'd say it was no problem and mean it. They'd worry more about you and the kids than losing an hour of sleep or an early wave."

"I have manners. Sue me," Danny frowned over to him then his attention came back to where Leo was wriggling down from his lap to be between his two fathers. "Besides, the sickness came up on me really fast. One minute I've got not much more than a headache and the next I'm leaning over the toilet. Difficult to call someone when you're heaving your guts up."

"Fine. Okay," Steve said again, giving Danny a funny look as Hope finished feeding.

Danny jutted out his bottom lip and watched as Steve burped their daughter. "Okay?"

"That's what I said."

"Okay…. I just won that argument too easily. What do you think, munchkin," he asked Leo who looked up at him with wide eyes while chewing on the corner of a cushion. "Did daddy give in much sooner than usual? And don't do that, it's not sanitary."

"San-try," Leo mumbled, getting his tongue around the new word.

"I'm not giving in, I'm just…. storing information. I might need it later," Steve argued back as he stood and rocked Hope more as she settled after her feeding.

"Ah, you plan to hold this against me the next time I get on at you. I see how this goes. I'm a Williams, it makes me an expert."

"You're sure it's just a bug?" Steve asked, changing the topic suddenly back to Danny's health and moving closer to lean over him and place the back of his hand to Danny's forehead which Danny immediately swatted away. 

"What, you think you'll catch it? Yeah, it's a bug. I'll be fine. These things go around, especially when you've got kids."

"Okay," Steve said again and Danny didn't buy the innocence nor that the matter was being put aside, but he wasn't going to question anything while he was winning, or had the illusion of it, at least.

*

Steve produced a slice of toast for Danny to eat and he turned his nose up at it, stomach recoiling even at such plain food. Hope was in her high chair and getting all sorts of goopy food over herself and normally Danny was used to it and it didn't bother him but today it was not helping his sensitive stomach to see something so messy. 

The spaghetti in Leo's hair didn't help.

Steve gave it a few minutes but when Danny still didn't attempt even a bite of food his concern was turned back to the blond, leaving Hope to squish a vegetable into the bib she was wearing. 

"Maybe you should take something for your stomach and head back to bed for a bit. I've got this."

"Are you sure?"

"You've been managing on your own for almost two weeks, I can handle a couple of hours. And you need the rest, you look terrible."

"As much as I hate to admit it, you're right. If I look as bad as I feel, I must be hideous."

"Never hideous, always gorgeous to me," Steve smiled and leaned in to press a kiss to Danny's forehead and shoo him away to bed.

He settled for a while, curled in on his side of the bed. The covers were up and down like a yoyo as Danny couldn't decide if he was too hot or too cold and whether he should keep himself hot and sweat out the fever or if he should get a cool towel from the bathroom. 

He'd thought he was getting better after the sleep he'd had earlier, but the more he lay there, barely dozing, the worse he seemed to feel again. After an hour, he gave up on tossing and turning and headed to the bathroom. He locked the door and sat on the cool linoleum flooring for a while, convinced he might be able to throw up again but there was nothing in his stomach and the muscles were too tired to oblige so he just sat there, practically hyperventilating until he knew there was no point in waiting for something that didn't want to happen. 

He lurched to his feet and leaned heavily on the basin as the world swam in front of him. He probably should force himself to eat or drink something - he was clearly weak. He squinted into the mirror to see just how pasty and sweaty and awful he looked and was not surprised by what he saw. He wrinkled his nose at himself and then washed his hands and splashed water on his face. He looked at himself again after, knowing there was little he could do about the gaunt, pale skin or the bags under his eyes. He could attempt to deal with the day old stubble or the sticking up tangle of his hair but it felt pointless and too much like hard work, so he didn't bother. 

Instead he left the bathroom and decided to explore and check on things before returning to bed. He leaned heavily on the wall and slid along it as he walked, keeping quiet so as not to disturb the kids or excite them since he really just wanted to make sure everyone was alive before leaving them to it again. 

He stopped at the end of the hall, peering in to see Hope having her afternoon nap. Continuing on, he could hear Steve talking and realized as he got closer that he was actually on the phone and deep in conversation while Leo played in his lap. Both of them had their backs to Danny and hadn't noticed his presence. 

He would be happy at that and leave, but the conversation Steve was having peaked Danny's interest too much. 

"No, I'm not just assuming that because Danny is sick that it's morning sickness, I'm just saying it's a possibility… no…. well, okay, yes I guess I am technically telling you about our… we don't get the chance often so we take it when we can and sometimes we don't have… fine I'll stop, I'm just saying I need to keep an eye on him in case…"

Danny leaned back against the wall, his heart beginning to thump more and for a moment he thought it was possible, too, until the fever cleared enough from his brain to remind him that no it wasn't… and that he hadn't ever told Steve the truth about what had happened at Hope's birth. 

And he could hear the smile in Steve's voice as he continued. "Of course… but if it could happen like that it would be amazing… I know…"

Danny backed up. He'd heard enough and he didn't want to know anything else about how much Steve seemed to want him pregnant again.

He half threw himself and half fell back onto the bed and he grabbed a throw pillow tight to his body and curled up. He yanked the blanket up and practically cocooned himself in as he staved off something akin to a panic attack. 

His heart was pounding and he struggled to think about anything except how Steve wanted him pregnant. Maybe he didn't love Danny so much after all… maybe Danny was just the baby maker for Steve's own personal squad of kids. Steve was desperate to be a good father, determined to be the kind of parent that he'd wanted for himself and not like the ones he had and maybe he thought he needed a lot of chances for that to happen. 

Danny twisted onto his back and stared at the ceiling. If he couldn't deliver for Steve then what could happen? Another broken home for his kids? Leo and Hope having to share custody and homes just like Grace had to do? It had stressed the little girl out at times though she'd never admit it, and it had been the deciding factor in Danny relenting and letting Steve move in with them all to be a real family. He'd done it because he trusted that Steve really did want to be there and now thoughts flew through Danny head of just how stupid he was to believe any of that, how these things never last. 

He'd married Rachel but had always been prepared for the divorce papers. With Steve, he thought he'd been smarter and he'd been convinced the same wouldn't happen. 

Stupid. He was so stupid. 

He turned onto his side again and closed his eyes as the doorknob turned.

Steve didn't enter the room; he was clearly checking on Danny, but Danny didn't want anything to do with him at that moment so he feigned being asleep and it worked enough that a minute or two later of a watchful eye on him, the door closed again and Steve disappeared with quiet footfall back down the hall.

The fake sleep was enough to actually make Danny doze off and for another few hours he alternated between fitful sleep and horrible thoughts that danced through his head and murmured about all the awful things that could happen next… the worst case scenario. Typical of himself- he was self-aware enough at one point to know he was doing what he always did, but that wasn't to say he wasn't right.

Steve leaving, getting back with Catherine. He loved her, after all, they'd been together a long time before Steve and Danny got together and she was a women and much more capable of providing what Steve wanted. What he needed. Her with her big, round pregnancy belly… twins… or triplets… both parents just so excited to build a family and Steve fighting Danny for custody of Hope and Leo.

It was dark when Danny jerked awake in a weird position on the bed, sweat rolling down his brow and eyes wide and searching the shadows of the room. He could hear movement in the bathroom as he lay there, feeling the dampness of the sheets around his own body. 

He wiped at his face and turned briefly to look as Steve entered the room, dressed in just sleep pants. Was it that late? How long had he been sleeping this time?

"You awake?" Steve asked as he saw Danny's eyes in the low light. "You were tossing and turning earlier, thought you were having a nightmare but you didn't seem to want to wake up from it."

As the bed dipped on Steve's side and a hand reached out to check Danny's temperature, he dodged out of its way and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. 

Steve scooted closer but was careful as he rubbed a hand down Danny's back. Danny felt a shiver go through him, not wanting the touch against his clammy skin. "What time is it?"

"Just after ten. It's been a long day and I'm kinda jet lagged so I thought I'd keep you company."

"Ten? I've been sleeping all day…" Danny said. He twisted his body enough to see Steve's look of concern as he half lay on the bed. "I'm not tired anymore," he said quickly as he swallowed against a dry throat. "You sleep. I'll go read or something and take care of the kids when they wake up."

"You're still sick, Danny. You should rest."

"I can do that on the couch." He rose and slowly - his strength still low - made his way to the door. Steve made an exasperated gesture, giving up and letting Danny do what he want. 

"I'm not worried about catching it, you know," Steve pointed out. 

"It's fine. I can't lie in bed any longer, okay?" He didn't wait to hear more. He just wanted away. He had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach and it wasn't the sickness… it was looking at Steve. He couldn't bear it right now. 

He collapsed onto the couch and shivered as his cold, clammy back and arms touched against the cool leather. He wrapped his arms around himself and dragged his feet up before grabbing for the throw over the back of the sofa and pulling it over himself. He grabbed a book from the coffee table to keep up appearances but he didn't even both reading the words, he just occasionally flicked through pages as his mind plagued him. 

Monsters were real but they didn't live under your bed, they were there on Danny's shoulder, whispering into his ear to tell him everything he was going to lose and after a short while he couldn't help the sob he had to stifle, or the way a few tears fell from his eyes and itched at his cheeks. 

When he realized he wasn't the only one crying he forced himself to his feet and into the kids room where he picked up Hope and took her out for her feeding, shushing Leo on the way. He should use the harness to allow Hope even just a little of the scarce supply of milk still in his own body but he was wary of doing so while sick, so he prepared a regular bottle and sat at the kitchen table while Hope drank. 

After burping her and returning her to her crib, he checked that Leo was down for the count again as well before padding back to the living room where he found that just the small task of taking care of Hope for half an hour had worn him out entirely. 

He must be more sick than he'd thought. 

And he knew he was sick. He just wished he knew what it was. 

He crumpled back down to the couch and stared up at the static ceiling fan and it was enough to set him off again. With the angle of his head so far back over the arm of the couch, he weeded out a sob, then another and let everything out. Dear God, what was going to happen when morning came? How much of his life was going to be ruined by Steve finding out the truth.

Sick as he was, fevered and out of his mind, he couldn't help but flashback to the hospital, to his recovery from Hope's birth. His hand even rubbed over his scar repeatedly and then he punched the balled up hand against his gut, as if blaming his body's weaknesses for not being able to provide Hope with a more stable birth.

It was the post-partem depression. He'd been aware of it quickly even though the fault perhaps lay with the doctors for making Danny's bonding so difficult in those first days. And his head had been everywhere but anywhere sensible and with his world upside down, his mind back then had been full of awful thoughts. He didn't mean to give them credence but that was where they began and festered and were still there in the back of his brain months later trying to poke through all the time with doubts.

A light flicked on and there was a soft call of his name and Danny wiped his face to hide the evidence as much as possible. He pulled himself to sit higher. "Yeah?"

"Hey, what's…" Steve took one look at Danny and his shoulders slumped. He pushed against Danny's bent knees to make room for himself on the couch and sat, reaching for Danny's face and helping wipe away more of the wetness from his tears. "Baby, you're burning up. We need to do something about this."

Danny snorted and Steve looked taken aback. "Baby… that's rich," he murmured under his breath.

"Danny, what's going on?"

"You're going to leave me," Danny started.

"What? Where is this coming from?"

"It's Catherine, isn't it. She's back and you want to make babies with her."

"Okay, Danny, this is ridiculous-"

"I heard you on the phone earlier," Danny continued over him. "I can't give you what you want, but she can so just go, okay? I always knew it would happen, just like with Rachel."

"Danny, you need to be quiet, this is insane talk."

"Is it? Is it really?" Danny grabbed the cushion from behind him and shoved it at Steve. "You want more babies! You want me pregnant and I can't…. I can't…" Danny pointed at his own stomach with one hand and clutched the waistband of his sleep pants with the other. It drew Steve's eyes but he wasn't entirely following Danny's accusations. 

"Danny… I'm lost."

"I can't have anymore babies. Okay? Are you happy now? I said it. I can't have babies the… there's nothing there anymore, I can't do it. And even if I could…" Danny trailed off, afraid for his own life considering the odds of success and just how close they'd been to losing everything with Hope. He knew in his gut that even if he could still have kids, he'd be far too shit scared to try again.

Steve grabbed Danny's face with both hands. "Danny, hey, honey, look at me, okay? You focused? None of that matters, okay? I love you."

"You want Catherine and her babies," Danny kept trying to convince himself. He was sure he was right about that earlier. It all made sense at the time.

"No, I don't. I don't want to have babies with Catherine, I don't even know where in the world she is and even then, all I feel for her is concern. As a friend. Everything I want is right here with you and the kids."

"But-"

"No buts. I'm not sure what the fever has done to this goofy head of yours but it's clearly addled."

"Addled?" Danny frowned. 

"It's a word," Steve gave a brief smile. "I don't know how much you heard when I was on the phone this afternoon but if you'd paid more attention you'd have heard me tell Lou just how scared I was that maybe you were pregnant and how the last thing I want is your life in danger again."

"I didn't hear that part," Danny's head lolled guiltily on his shoulders and he began to feel like a complete fool, even if his brain was struggling to keep up. 

"Come here," Steve shunted Danny over and boxed him in against the walls of the couch while he settled himself along side Danny and then pulled him in tightly to his chest. "Everything's okay. I promise. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. Concentrate on that and get some rest."

"But-"

"Shhhh," Steve rubbed his hand up and down Danny's arm and kissed his damp hair. "Everything's exactly as it should be."

*

Danny woke to a cool compress on his head and he shuffled as he lay, shoving down the blanket from around him and turning his head to the coffee table where Steve was patiently sitting and watching him - a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol beside him. 

"The fever broke about an hour ago. You had me worried, I was about to call Max for help."

Danny cleared his dry throat and reached out for the water that was quickly offered. He sat up gingerly, blanket falling between his legs. He swallowed the two pills Steve held out for him and coughed as a result. "I think I hallucinated," Danny said. 

"Yeah? What about?" Steve asked, too innocently. 

"Uhm… oh God," Danny hung his head in his hands and spoke, muffled by them. "Catherine's not seven months pregnant, right?"

"Not that I'm aware of no. And I'm not leaving you for her."

"I said that out loud, huh?" Danny asked, sheepishly looking at Steve again. 

"It was some kind of fever dream you had," Steve brushed off. "But why did it take you so long to tell me about your… hysterectomy?"

Danny shook his head, unable to give Steve an answer that was satisfying for either of them. Truth was, he'd been scared for the reasons that lurked in the back of his mind and that he'd made an ass of himself saying out loud while sick as all hell. 

"You've got to stop hiding this stuff from me, Danny. First the post-partem and now this-"

"I told you about that quickly," Danny interrupted. 

"No, I found your medication and you had no choice but to 'fess up about it," Steve countered. "And that's not discounting the fact that you hid away and had Leo in secret and I only found out once he was six months old! And I know there were extenuating circumstances, but Danny, we can't keep stuff from each other like that anymore. Promise me that when you need me you'll let me help."

Danny gave a slow nod and took his time by staring his glass of water down before placing it back on the coffee table. 

"I don't feel like myself anymore," Danny admitted quietly. 

Steve moved from his perch on the coffee table to sit close to Danny on the couch, encouraging him to open up more.

"The doctors took it all out, there's bits of my insides missing. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about it."

"You can feel whatever you want."

"It's stupid. People have surgery all the time… Apendectomies or other things and they don't feel like this."

"This is different. It's not stupid. It was one of the many things that made you unique and now it's gone. Nothing wrong with missing it or feeling empty without it."

"I thought you wouldn't want me anymore," Danny said and Steve pulled him in to lean against him. 

"That's the post-partem talking. It's also bullshit," Steve reached his hand to Danny's stomach and touched against it. Danny began to recoil but then relaxed under the hand and let Steve trace the line of his scars. "I know I loved it when you were pregnant but that doesn't mean I wasn't scared of the risks all the damn time. And it also doesn't mean that I'm somehow desperate to keep you barefoot and pregnant for me. We've got three kids in this house to look after and that's a lot. I am beyond happy with what we have."

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"Hey, hey, no, you are not a mess. You've been running a temperature of about 104 for almost 24 hours and you've been letting all these worries from the last few months get to you. Doesn't make you a mess."

Danny gave a laugh as he thought about something, and then had to tell Steve since he had a look of curiosity about him. "I feel like I need to apologize to Catherine for imagining her fat with triplets and stealing my man from me. And she doesn't even have any clue about how much I've been hating on her for the last however many hours."

"Let's not tell her anything. Safer that way." They sat in companionable silence for long moments with Steve's hand rubbing up and down Danny's arm. "I don't know what I need to do to convince you how much I love you, and our family and that I'm not going anywhere."

"You don't need to convince me. I already know."

"But on some level you don't," Steve shook his head. "It's what you do, Danny. Your head tries to prepare you for the worst case scenario so that it'll hurt less if it happens. 'If', not 'when', there's never a foregone conclusion."

"Mister Negative. That's me."

"You promised me a few years ago that you'd try and look to the positives instead. I know you've suffered lately with the depression but maybe it's time to exercise the happy, huh? Maybe try and look to the positive spins instead."

"I'm thinking vacation…" Danny hummed as he considered it. 

Steve's hand stopped it's steady and calming movement on Danny's arm and it jarred them both a little but Steve's voice was awed as it spoke. "I'm thinking honeymoon."

Danny twisted round to him. "But we're not married."

"We want to think positive, right? No leaving for anyone else, just us and the kids growing up? What better way to have something happy in our lives than with a wedding?" Steve started to get excited, turning more to face Danny and taking both of his hands between his own. 

"Married?"

"Yes."

"Us?"

"Yes!" Steve gripped Danny's hands harder. "What do you think?"

"I think a lot of things, mostly about how insane you are and I think that on a regular basis..."

"About the marriage idea?" Steve prodded Danny's train of thought.

"I'm not still having weird fever dreams, right? This is real and you're asking me?"

"Yes."

"Uhm… okay. Okay, yes. Let's… let's get married." Danny broke a hand free of Steve's grip and held a finger up to forestall his excitement. "Not on a beach. Somewhere sensible. With shoes. And suits with ties."

"And leis," Steve added.

Danny's head bobbed as he considered it. "Okay, sure, and leis."

That acquiescence was enough to have Steve leaning in to place a confident kiss on Danny's lips, uncaring about the germs he might catch from Danny's illness. 

As he pulled back, Danny could swear he hadn't seen Steve's smile that wide since he found out Danny was pregnant with Hope.

"The power of positive thinking got me engaged. I'll be damned," Danny shook his head but Steve's smile was contagious and he couldn't help but return it in equal measure.

**Author's Note:**

> I am already writing the next story in this verse that includes super!BAMF Danny and mini!BAMF Leo. I'm really excited for that one :)I
> 
> And yeah, kinda skipping the wedding, but I do plan to reference it in the next story with odd mentions about things that happened. ("No! Steve, it was not funny when you pretend Hope swallowed the rings!") But I'm allowing them something normal of a life for a little bit so without the drama, I'm skipping ahead a little!


End file.
